I wrote this for a Game Website some friends and I were going to make... we didn't, but at least I wrote some funny stuff. 

Alright guys, I’m kicking the door down, spry’n and pray’n right off the bat. You shouldn’t even bother trying to one up me because this movie tie-in game will knock your socks off and darned you new ones.

The movie is Red Dawn; and not the new mamby-pamby remake their coming out with, but the original Patrick Swayze masterpiece. If you haven’t seen Red Dawn or don’t remember what its about here’s a link (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Dawn) but the long and the short of its is that Red Commies have invaded the heartland of the God-blessed US of A. Our only hope is a ragtag group of highschoolers, armed to the teeth with good old American boomsticks.

To pay homage to such a deserving movie you personally going to need a few things – like two to three friends. To really sell the whole thing two guys need to dress up like our 1980’s heroes, so wear things like faded and torn jeans, a jeans jacket, red head band, and a mullet. Once you’ve dressed the part of a freedom loving Wolverines! you’ll be ready to take back America from the Commies. But what about friend number three you ask, well at least Danny asks because he can count. Well he gets to dress up in olive drab, combat boots, grow a daunting beard, and gets stogie to comp on. Comrade Commie is now ready to stamp out the last vestiges of Democracy.

Now for the game itself, you’ll need a map which you’ll divide into fifteen to twenty sectors in Commie Red (Shaun can use his crayons). On the sides you need to mark off ten boxes, marked 1-5 which will denote a specific hideout for our heroes. Each God-fearing American gets five boxes, marked 1-5, and then a book or something to hide them from the prying eyes of that Commie SOB. For the two Wolverines! players they each get five markers for their freedom fighters; these should be colors like Blue for blue-blooded American or White because it’s not Red. Risk markers work for this. They also each get five markers that indicate weapons. Commie boy get fifty red markers for his troops, he’s to put one on each sector of the map and keep the rest off in reserve, and enough weapons markers to fill each sector of the map plus some extra to spread around. At the top of the board you need a board with ten markers and an American Flag – this represents the forces of freedom, taking the country back one Red corpse at time.

The Wolverines! players roll to see who goes first. Whoever wins get to attack a sector of the map, placing as many weapons markers as they want to use (up to the number of Freedom Fighters they have) in the sector. Ivan Ivanovich rolls a defensive die for each his soldiers in the sector and the Wolverines! rolls an attack die for each weapon used. Whomever has the big number (again have Danny count it or let Shaun use an abacus) wins. If the Wolverines! wins they get to take whatever weapons are in the sector and the Commie soldier dies like the pig-dog that he is. If the Socialist Scumbag wins the weapons used in the attack are taken off the board. The Wolverine! places his freedom fighters or weapons in the hideouts. Wolverines! number two gets to attack and do the same thing.

Now it’s Kremlin Karl’s turn. He gets to put soldiers back onto the board if he wants, but then he gets to attack the hideouts. Placing soldiers on one of the hideout squares for each of the Wolverines! players, two for each player (that makes 4!). If he’s placed soldiers on a square that matches the number of where a Wolverines! has placed weapons or Freedom Fighters then a single weapon or Freedom Fighter is lost. If there is nothing there the American flag at the top of the board moves one spot closer to liberation.

Play ends with the either the unlikely elimination of all the Wolverines! freedom fighters or the cowardly forces of Stalin retreating from the armies of Lady Liberty.

BAM! And that’s how you create a homage to one of Hollywood’s greats.

-Game Off